Today at the hospital as soon as my sister and I walked into the ER where my feeble granny was my sister broke down and started crying.  Honestly I didn’t feel like crying at that moment.

But once I got into the car by myself I felt like crying.  This whole day I have been surrounded by people so I didn’t feel like crying.  But now that it’s late at night and I should be sleeping I feel like crying.

I’m not close to people in my family – but I used to be.  So all these old feelings are being rehashed in time of illness and shattered hips.

I’ve had a headache twice this week and I never get headaches anymore…  I want to have a schedule again.  I want people to stop losing their jobs, getting cancer, bleeding into their brains, breaking hips, and everything changing for the worse in this downward spiral.

It’s hard to find the time and motivation to do my laundry let alone go to work in the morning to a job that I loathe lately.  I just want some things to be good.  I want to play videogames and have fun.  I want to go take pictures with the lens I got for my birthday and have barely played with.  I want to stop worrying about money and stop feeling stress over the awful things in life.

I know I can’t change any of them and I know I should just chill out, but it’s a lot easier said than done.

I’ll end on this note.  Sirens passed by on Midland late in the night when all is quiet and the house is opened up because it’s a cool summer night and my dogs started howling to the sound and I felt like I finally had someone that was crying with me.  And it was a peaceful moment.